Well, I survived Christmas even though I did not get what I asked for: A rooftop swimming pool like this one in Dallas. Cheap bastards.
I did, however, manage to break my Nan’s plumbing while having a shower. I’m already paranoid in other people’s homes; especially their bathrooms. I’m not sure why but I think it has to do with a couple of incidents from my past.
While visiting people as a child, toilets twice broke on me and, well, my business did not disappear with the twisting of a handle. Quite the opposite, in fact. It was pretty embarrassing and, to this day, I’m terrified of breaking things in people’s homes.
Especially in the washroom.
Not that it stops me. This whole incident occurred at 5:30 on Christmas morning. It’s a bad feeling: Trying to turn the cold water off and nothing happens. Some things in life you just sort of take for granted and, when they don’t work, you feel sick. But that bad feeling only gets worse when your Nan wakes up and you discover that it’s not a recurring problem, quickly solved by the application of some knack to the eccentric tap. Next thing you know, your whole family is standing around a bath, while you explain that you didn’t do anything.
So that’s how I spent my Christmas morning. Breaking my almost ninety year old Nan’s plumbing, a woman who, for all her good points, wields guilt like Bruce Lee wields Kung Fu. At least my uncle has a new dog named Porky. Half bulldog, half boxer, he liked me. But he hates the noises my camera makes.
Thank God. I really needed some doggie love. And I don’t think I should get that pool. Not until I can handle a tap.
