I, Quit/Fired

I’m firing myself. Or maybe I’m quitting. I don’t know.

My friends have seen this happen before. I strip down my personality and build a new one. So, anyone who has any personal business with Ryan Oakley should probably get it done by the end of the week. By next Monday, he’s out the door. I’m quitting. This stinks. Ryan Oakley is too much trouble. I’m hiring a bimbo.

I’ve looked at the world around me and examined the numbers. Like a lot of people, I’ve drawn the obvious conclusion: Women are earning more degrees than men, they will have greater spending power and, basically, they will be running things. In short, they have no reason to put up with our bullshit. And if I’ve learned one thing from Cicero it’s that strategies must change if goals are to remain the same.

I’ve decided to adopt the strategy that intelligent women have employed for thousands of years. Total bimbo-hood. Especially and, perhaps, exclusively, in a my relations with the opposite sex. I am now a retarded child on acid. A helpless puppy dog. Completely harmless. Sweet. Cute. Vacant. You’ll love it.

Or maybe you won’t. I dunno. I’m just a boy.

Now, this won’t mean too much of anything to people who read this blog. This has always, primarily, been a conversation with myself. It will remain such. There will, however, be some changes. I’ve already hidden most of my books and I can’t have this whole site undermining my impenetrable sweetness.

This leaves me with two options: I can dumb it down and fill it with “lol”, “omg” etc. That’s not going to happen. So I’m going to use the second option. I’m just going to undermine the credibility of this site. The good news is that I won’t be using “omg” anytime soon. But I want people to ghostwrite posts. I’m serious about that.

I don’t even want or need you to pretend to be me. Long post, short post, I don’t care. Just write about whatever you please and send it my way. I’ll put it up here and pretend I wrote it. You can speak your mind while exploring the responsibilities incumbent on being someone other than you. Such practical, moral experience might come in handy in the years to come, when techs expand our range of personalities.

My online avatar robot wants to assimilate you. You can now be Ryan Oakley. Ryan Oakley can now be a woman, black, Asian, gay, rich, have any job and be anywhere in the world. I am now a hive. And you get something better than being anonymous. You get to be me. You’ll discover that you can really be you if you’re me.