Theme Week’s End

Well folks, it’s time to kiss this theme-week goodbye like it was a stupid cat on a rail. I noticed that there were not quite as many comments as I have recently come to expect, but I assume it’s because you were all listening and learning. I commend you on your silence.
In summary, [...]

For the Ladies

You’re all just perfect the way you are. (Excepting Paris Hilton.) Big boobs, little boobs, fake boobs or no boobs. It does not matter a whit to me. Stupid or smart, you’re always a pleasure. Fat or thin, your diet is not my concern.
If I have any advice at [...]

The Modern Gentleman and the Law

The police are public servants and I have always thought that it is a remarkably bad idea to arm your servants. It seems to invite an attitude of surly entitlement at best and utter disaster at worst. You do not for example, see trusty Jeeves carrying around a semi-automatic pistol as he [...]

Drugs and Drinks: Oh My!

Although I’ve quit both I like to encourage this behavior in others. I don’t believe that there’s anything wrong with drinks or most drugs. I’m simply too stupid and ill-disciplined for them. Even a drop of potion is dangerous to a man of my special brand of moronism. While Dr. Jekyll [...]

A Gentleman’s Guide to Book Learnin’

Books are wonderful little things. They can compliment your outfit, pass time in dreary settings and make a statement about your personality as effectively as a haircut or button. Sometimes they even contain words that titillate the senses, inflame the passions, enlighten the mind or uplift the spirit. But, in spite of [...]

How a Smoker Should Behave

I don’t believe in addiction. It’s a myth that merely describes wanting something that you cannot have. Yes, there are physical symptoms. Life itself is a physical symptom.
The idea that tobacco is more addictive than heroin is most damaging to people who want to quit. It’s like telling them that there’s [...]

Fashion is Ludicrous

The wonderful thing about dressing is that you can wear anything at all. This does not, of course, mean that you should wear anything, just as freedom of speech does not mean that you should speak while chewing food.
I prefer to wear a suit and have worn one since I was a baby. [...]

Money Does Not Buy Manners

And it does not buy class. For that matter, class does not buy class. It cannot be transferred by the blood, just as it cannot be purchased from a local merchant. True class is a series of little choices. It is about how you regard yourself, treat those around you and, [...]

Theme Week: How to Comport Yourself in a Modern Urban Environment or Dandarchism 101

People of Toronto, it pains me to to do this but it has become obvious that it must be done. I have to tell you how to behave.
I had assumed that you were basically grown up but I was sadly mistaken. I tried leaving you to your own devices but your devices have [...]